Too Much TV?

TOO MUCH TV?
by Dr. Roger D. Haber

My wife, my guiding light for over twenty-five years now, says that she thinks I watch too much TV. All the days of our lives have been filled with all kinds of activities, not just television. All my children agree with me also. I don’t know what my wife is talking about. Perhaps she is lost along with the other desperate housewives who believe their husbands spend too much time in front of the tube.

I don’t want a family feud and I really don’t want to end up in divorce court so I’m trying to seriously consider what she’s said. In the outer limits of my mind, I suppose she could have a point, but I still can’t believe this family guy watches an inordinate amount of TV. I even asked my doctor, “Phil, do you think the TV is damaging my health?”

With no reservations, Phil said, “Roger, when you’re married with children, there are a lot of pressures, if that’s how you relax, don’t worry about it. I’m not concerned.”

But I still wonder. Years ago, I remember our first color TV. It was quite the home improvement. Of course my mother told us that we were not to sit too close to the TV. It was radioactive! My father would always say, “Yes dear” and sit wherever he wanted! Of course, my three brothers, Tom and Jerry, and Chuck and my two sisters, Laverne and Shirley agreed with mom. But dad and I were glued in front of that new color TV.

I believe these accusations of an addiction to television come without a trace of evidence. In college, I had two roommates. When I used to live with Regis and Kelly Dallas, they too thought I spent too much time in front of the American idol monitor instead of studying. But I spent time elsewhere; they were not fair. That was a myth. Busters, the restaurant I frequented was important for me and I had time for my thirty minute meals and they were certainly good eats. I was in seventh heaven when eating a TV dinner in front of the TV!

And I did my share of yard work too. I was on the front line of caring for our lawn. Our green acres were kept meticulously manicured by the main mower—me! I wasn’t watching TV while trying to bring curb appeal to our domicile!

You’d think that some people believe I spend 24 hours a day in front of the TV. To tell the truth, that is simply incredible. Are my accusers bewitched? Perhaps they have been losing too much sleep in the heat of the night. I asked my dear sister Shirley, “Sister, Sister, is it true? Am I a TV junkie?” She assured me, in our full house, with all those brothers and sisters, she understood my escape to the tube.

Don’t people remember the good times we’ve had without a TV in close proximity? Do I need to lay down the law and order people to be reasonable about my TV viewing? Can’t they see what I see with my 20/20 eyesight? I do not have a problem with too much TV! Don’t you agree? I was at the office the other day, and according to Jim, my friend at the cable company, hundreds of TV channel options are not the problem. The truth is it’s a matter of balance. Balance is what everybody loves. Raymond, my best friend from high school understood this. He always said, “Cheers, Roger. We have been friends ever since first grade. Don’t take to heart what everybody says. You could be America’s next top model philosopher of entertainment culture and life. Keep your eyes on your star; trek on my friend!”

Well my friends, there’s no bones about it! I’m convinced that I don’t have a problem with too much TV. I’m sure you agree. If you run into my wife later this week, would you mind telling her that I have the self-control of two and a half men? Her anger might burn; notice I’m always in control. Thanks, you are my heroes.

How many TV shows were mentioned in this piece?
The answer is 50. If you can’t find them all, email rogerhaber@yahoo.com